I feel stuck in a loveless marriage, I really don't have feelings for my husband and may never have. What does God want me to do...?

This is a very difficult place to be and I can hear this person’s pain and feelings of loneliness. To answer the very last part of the question first and then move on to the first part, God loves us completely. His desire is for us to live out our lives with complete joy. What you are looking for is a feeling that is based on outside circumstances. God tells us throughout His Word that his love for us is complete and consistent. It is complete in that His love really is all we need to live a life full of joy and yes happiness. It is consistent in that His love for you never changes. He doesn’t love you more when you do something right or loves you less because you have done something wrong. Yes, we all sin, but God’s love for us is not directed by what we do, but by who He is. The Bible tells us, Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8). How do we know this to be true, the very next verse tells us, This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him (1 John 4:9).

We need to rest in that truth. No matter what is happening around us, rest in the truth that God loves you and He has and will do whatever it takes to bring you through these tough times. So, as we look into the answer to the first part of your question, trust that God will be with you and will carry you through living out what He calls us to do.

I have counseled many couples, both unmarried and married, through tough times and one thing I hear from them in those tough times is, “I just don’t think I love him/her anymore.” The problem with most people in this situation, and with many people that say they love this person is, they get confused between love and passion. Love is not a feeling. Sometimes feelings are present with love, but not always. Gary Smalley and John Trent wrote a book entitled, Love is a Decision and they point out that we must choose to love. What most people confuse for love is this deep feeling they have when they are around someone. I have had people come into my office after dating for a week and say, I love this person. My typical reply is, no you don’t. There is no such thing as love at first sight. Love is something you grow into passion is something you feel because a person stirs those feelings inside of you.

Now don’t miss understand me, the passion one feels when they first meet someone and also for many months and years to come is not a bad feeling and unimportant. I believe this passion is very important in a relationship and vital for people that are married. This is what stirs romance in a marriage. But you see, passion will come and go, it is a roller coaster ride. There are times this passion is very strong and other times it is very weak. No one could live in a constant passionate life 24/7. That would be exhausting. What happens in many marriages is this passion dies out for one reason or another and the couple thinks loves has left.

So back to the question, does God want you to remain in this marriage. In short, yes. If you want to see what the Bible says about that click here to see a previous questioned answered in regards to divorce. But, I do not think it has to be as you put it, “stick it out” and be unhappy? Get counseling with your spouse and learn about the part that both love and passion plays in a married relationship. There is so much needed to be worked through in your marriage and it sounds like you need someone else, a third party, to help you get through it. You are more than welcome to contact us at the church and setup some counseling. Also, there is a worksheet online that will help you to understand Biblical love. It is on our website nccworship.com on the sermon page under articles entitled God Is Light.